The statistics around girls and sport are sobering: 93 percent of girls aged 11 to 17 aren’t getting enough exercise, and by age 17, young women in New Zealand spend nearly 30 percent less time being active than boys*. So what’s going wrong, and how can we fix it? Clinical psychologist DOM VETTISE shares his ideas.
Looking beyond New Zealand’s shores, UNESCO data suggests that by age 14, girls are dropping out of sport at twice the rate of boys, with nearly half of all adolescent girls walking away from sport altogether – six times more than boys.
Vettise, also a father of two girls, believes sport is vital not just for physical health but for mental wellbeing. In the right environment, sport helps girls build confidence, improve mental health, and develop life skills like resilience, decision-making, communication, and teamwork, he says. It also fosters social connection.
Why girls drop out
Vettise says sport is often structured around competition, which doesn’t always align with how girls engage. Puberty plays a role too – while boys may feel stronger and faster with puberty, girls often become more self-conscious and feel judged about their bodies.
Girls also tend to show higher levels of perfectionism and have a stronger need for belonging. he explains, “If I’m perfect, if I get everything right, then I will be liked and I’ll belong.” While boys also seek belonging, it’s often more pronounced in girls.
Vettise is part of the 2degrees SupportHER Club’s latest campaign, which is currently promoting sportswear for the sideline aimed at keeping girls in sport. The sportswear features the slogans ‘Play like you’ and ‘Play brave’ with all the proceeds going to charities associated with promoting girls’ sport.
How parents can help
Vettise offers these practical strategies to help your daughter stay in sport:
Find her tribe
Instead of aiming for the top team, prioritise girls being in teams where they feel connected and have friends. Belonging is key to enjoyment, Vettise says. Parents can foster this by carpooling, playing music, and making the journey to practice fun to help promote that sense of connection.
Focus on values, not outcomes
Shift the focus from winning to personal values. For example, Vettise’s daughter focused on courage during a cross-country race, aiming to run the uphill section regardless of where she came. Vettise says courage is especially important for girls, who often face societal pressures that discourage risk-taking and assertiveness. Teaching girls to embrace mistakes as learning opportunities builds resilience and confidence.
Encourage variety
Let girls play multiple sports with friends if they want to. Early specialisation can lead to burnout and injury. Many elite athletes played various sports until their late teens, Vettise says. Variety keeps sport fun and is important for girls.
Change the sideline culture
Girls often seek more reinforcement than boys during games -Vettise notes his daughter looks to him more often than his son does. That’s why slogans like ‘Play like you’ matter, he says. They send a message of acceptance and support, not pressure to perform.
“I don’t need you to score a million goals. I just want you to have fun. I really want you to go and enjoy yourself. And seeing that from the sideline is so important for girls.”
Ask what they need
Sometimes Vettise’s daughters want instruction from their dad about the game, other times they prefer he stay silent and talk later – or not at all. Respecting their preferences helps build trust and autonomy.
Reframe the post-game talk
Instead of criticism, try using the MILC framework Vettise suggests.
- Memory: What made you smile today?
- Improvement: What did you get better at?
- Learning: What did you learn?
- Courage: Where did you show bravery?
Words matter. The language parents use becomes the inner voice girls carry into adulthood, playing a role in shaping their self-belief and identity. Let’s help make that voice a constructive one.
*Statistics from the World Health Organisation and Sport NZ.
Read more: << The one question that helps keep kids in sport >>
