Sophie Green wanted to spare her younger sister some of her own teenage angst and mistakes. So she grabbed moments between her university studies to write a guide for teens, which has now evolved into a fully-fledged book.
“I wasn’t planning on publishing anything. But I had a bit of an up-and-down teenhood and I just thought OK, this is what I’ve learnt. – from someone who’s just been through it, rather than from the parents,” says Sophie, who grew up just outside of Wellington, but recently moved with her family to Australia.
The book, Love from Soph: A guide to thriving in the teen scene, which took two years to write and another to publish, focuses on the mistakes Sophie believes she made and provides advice on avoiding those same pitfalls, drawing on her University psychology studies.
“Each section is another little mistake or something I would have done differently,” she says.
It covers the power of mindset, mindfulness, and socialising, including why you don’t need to change yourself to fit in with the cool kids and tips on noticing the red and the green flags of friendship. It also has a focus on health, which is what kicked off writing the book for Sophie.
Listening to her body, understanding more about the menstrual cycle, the effects of stress and discovering the value of not being busy all the time were key learnings for Sophie, particularly when dealing with her own health challenges.
“Mum and dad were always like ‘you need to slow down, you need to take a few things off your plate because you can’t do everything all at once’. But I was like, ‘No, I can do this. I got this.
“It’s only now that I’ve taken a step back and slowed down a little bit, I realise that was having a huge impact on my health. And I just never put two and two together.”
Social media
The book hones in on the impact social media can have on teens’ brains, “and the way we think and act”, Sophie says.
“In hindsight, it was definitely impacting how I was interacting with people and just my general mindset. But I didn’t make that connection back then, and I was addicted to my phone.”
While technology can be helpful to teens, they need to monitor it to ensure it doesn’t take over their lives, she says.
“There are so many more aspects to it that are dangerous that don’t really get talked about enough, like the impact on mental health and comparing yourself to other people. Even just being able to talk to people all the time is quite intrusive and overwhelming.”
In the book, she shares her top tips for controlling social media usage, so it doesn’t control you.
And the feedback on the book from Sophie’s sister?
“It’s hard because she’s my sister, so she probably wouldn’t give me very great feedback. But she did say that she doesn’t normally like reading self-help books or anything like that, but she liked this one.”
Sophie’s teen tips for managing social media
Set boundaries
Unfollow people whose posts don’t bring you joy and only follow those with uplifting posts that make you feel good.
Turn off notifications
You can leave notifications on for texts and calls, in case of emergency; otherwise, don’t give people who don’t know you the power to disrupt your peace.
Set time limits on apps
Set up your phone so you can only spend a specific amount of time on social media apps and do your best to stick to it!
Check socials on your laptop, rather than your phone
It can help limit the amount of endless scrolling.
Remove social media apps from your home screen
That extra searching step can make you more intentional with screen time.
Delete apps you don’t feel good about
Sophie says Snapchat was huge for her – she didn’t need to see people’s selfies every half an hour.
Have a social media-free day each week
You could do a days staying away from the social media apps, or longer! It gives your brain a rest and ensures you’re not too addicted.
Read more: Helping your teen through tough times >>
