Is your child spending too much time on their device, but you hit a brick wall when you try to rein them back in? Netsafe’s Chief Online Safety Officer SEAN LYONS shares his advice for bringing our device zombies back to life.
Slamming down a blanket ban or locking away their devices the moment they get home from school may seem tempting when you want to put the device genie back in the bottle. But getting kids’ buy-in is crucial if we want to keep our kids safe and teach them how to function successfully in this “technology-drenched” world, as Sean Lyons of online safety organisation Netsafe describes it.
Here are his tips for walking it back if you’re worried your child’s life is being impacted by too much screen time.
Is there a problem?
Lyons says if their screen time is starting to impact other aspects of their life, there may be a problem.
“Are there things that they are not doing now that before this point they were doing a lot of? Have they stepped out of a choir, a music group, or a sports team? Have they ditched a group of mates or picked up a brand new group of mates that you’re not aware of? Do they spend a disproportionate amount of time doing one thing over the other?”
If this is the case, it may be time to look more closely at screen time.
Get the facts first
It can be hard to get an accurate picture of your child’s device usage and to know whether it is actually problematic, or whether we’re just jumping to conclusions as parents. So, the best thing to do is get the facts.
Lyons suggests that you and your child (if they’re old enough) keep a diary of their device usage, including what they do online, when and for how long. You may have to estimate in places. This can be a good way to remove some of the emotion around these conversations and get the facts.
“I really do think that sort of challenge of assumption is probably the most important first step,” Lyons says.
“Even if you believe your children are quite tightly locked into something, and it’s causing significant impact in other aspects of their lives.”
Use that diary information to sit down together and look at where any problem areas might be, and what needs to change. The diary can be particularly useful if the young person is in denial about there being an issue.
Create a family online treaty
Work together to create an agreement as a family on what healthy device usage looks like for you. Make sure it’s achievable and not too daunting, so that the kids have a reasonable chance of success and don’t just give up. Lyons’ family has a rule of no phones at the dinner table, for instance.
Netsafe have treaties available online (tailored for different age groups) that you can download and change to fit your family.
Make sure these rules are clearly understood, including who they apply to. If there are rules that parents won’t be able to keep for a specific reason (maybe around work), then discuss that too. Then everyone needs to do their best to keep them.
If your child breaks the treaty, discuss why it happened. What is it that is getting in their way? Is it will power, peer pressure, or just not trying hard enough? Lyons says. Work with them to find ways to get back on track.
Ask for help
If a situation arises that you don’t know how to handle, ask for help. As Lyons says, this is new territory for so many people.
“Seek the advice of others – consult with people who might have been through it,” he says.
This could be within your whānau, your wider networks or outside organisations such as Netsafe.
Even if you’re digitally savvy yourself, don’t expect to know all the answers.
“The internet that your young people use is likely quite different to the internet you use,” he says.
Trust your parenting
Lyons says parents are experts in keeping their children safe, and doing so in the digital world is just another part of this, regardless of how digitally savvy they are.
“There are parents who can’t swim who successfully teach their children to swim,” he says. You can do the same with helping your child develop a safe and healthy relationship with devices.
Read more: Why controlling screen time matters so much >>
