Parents often accept broken sleep as part of the job, while fiercely protecting our kids’ bedtime routines. But according to sleep expert DR SUMIT SAMANT, we should be guarding our own sleep just as closely.
Sleep is a kind of parenting super fuel that we often underestimate or skimp on to get by, and that’s not good.
“If (parents) are not rejuvenated with their sleep hours and quality, then they are not the best version of themselves for their children,” Dr Samant says. The whole household is affected, and it also impacts our health and well-being, he says.
Why sleep is so important
Dr Samant is an ear, nose, and throat specialist, a sleep surgeon and founder of sleep health clinic Auckland Sleep. He explains that sleep isn’t just rest; it’s important maintenance for the body and brain. Chronic sleep disruption can lead to issues such as high blood pressure, stroke, heart rate issues and cognitive problems like memory loss and dementia.
That’s because the brain’s “cleaning system”, as Dr Samant describes it, only operates during deep sleep – a stage parents often miss when their mind is constantly ‘on call’ throughout the night.
Ensuring kids can sleep well is the first step in better sleep for parents.
Dr Samant says around 40 per cent of children have nasal allergies, and “a bit of stuffiness” that narrows the upper airway at night, breaking their sleep cycles and triggering nighttime waking. Over time, this creates sleep habits that can be hard to undo – and exhausting for parents. So it’s important to get on top of these. (See the tips below for more on this.)
So what can parents do to get better sleep?
One of the keys is consistency – for kids and parents, Dr Samant says.
“The brain seeks nothing more than consistency… the same thing every day, every night.”
So go for predictable bedtimes, sleep-friendly evening environments, and, ideally, if kids are waking through the night, share the nighttime duties between parents.
“If it is every night for months or years, that (one parent covers the wake-ups) that is absolutely not sustainable… the concept of respite care has to be there,” Dr Samant says.
He encourages making sleep a family project. Have competitions – kids versus grown‑ups – to create fun accountability and help everyone prioritise healthier routines.
Auckland Sleep has recently launched a paid 16-week holistic wellbeing programme called Sleep Strong, aimed at addressing the lifestyle factors that influence sleep quality, energy levels and long-term health. It combines sleep medicine, clinical nutrition, movement and stress management.
Here are Dr Samant’s top ten tips to help parents get a better night’s sleep.
1. Morning sunlight
Twenty minutes of light therapy (sunlight or a bright white lamp) can help with insomnia. It resets and calibrates the circadian rhythm (your body clock).
2. Control caffeine and reflux
More than two cups of coffee, especially after 12pm, can interfere with your circadian rhythm, so give that a miss. Meanwhile, simple measures to control reflux (if you experience it) are important to reduce ‘silent reflux’ that interrupts sleep. (Silent reflux often doesn’t have heartburn or indigestion symptoms).
3. Talk and reflect at dinner
Try bringing the family together for dinner and have everyone share their ‘sunshine’ and ‘rainfall’ moments of the day (your ups and downs). Talking and sharing declutters the brain and allows grown-ups to role model strategies to help with worries and wins.
4. Post-dinner walk/dance party/exercise
This is a fun way for the whole family to get the body moving for ten minutes after dinner. This reduces insulin spikes (and later crashes) and improves your metabolism. It helps boost your mood in the evening, too. So head out for a walk around the block, a dance around the dining room or have a family planking competition.
5. Try ‘constructive worry’
Take ten minutes after dinner to write down all your worries on the left-hand side of a piece of paper. On the right-hand side, write the corresponding solutions (or lack of). This offloads worries from the mind onto the paper, reducing the chance of the brain ruminating on them overnight.
6. Manage allergies with a nose spray and rinsing
Dr Samant says nasal stuffiness and congestion are an under-recognised cause of sleep disruption. Simple measures like nasal washes and over-the-counter allergy sprays or tablets (but not the decongestant sprays) can help optimise nasal breathing.
7. Use mindfulness for stress, anxiety and insomnia
Justathought.co.nz offers simple, free tools and strategies for adults and kids to manage stress and anxiety, as well as to tackle insomnia.
8. Breathing exercises
Deep diaphragmatic breathing helps with stress, anxiety and airway instability at night. The Breathe2relax app is a free tool that can be used if needed.
9. Create a sustainable, fun and consistent family routine
Incorporate some or all of these tips into a simple, easy family routine. This makes it sustainable and reduces the isolating feeling that sleep issues can create. It also introduces an element of mutual external accountability in a kind and gentle way.
10. Brief and debrief, and fake it until you make it
Keep reviewing your progress regularly. And instead of saying, ‘I’m a bad sleeper/snorer’, say, ‘I’m having bad sleep/I am snoring’. This trains the brain to believe that the sleep issues are temporary and don’t have to define you as a person.
Read more: Resetting screen and sleep schedules >>
