Going ‘All In’: raising a child with autism

Image: Kiwi mum Karina McHardy, photo credit: Aimee Glucina

KARINA MCHARDY was a former elite gymnast with a successful career in medicine when her life took an unexpected turn. Kelly Eden spoke with her about her journey parenting a child with additional needs.

When Karina McHardy’s twins were 19 months old, her son was diagnosed with severe autism. They walked out of the doctor’s office with a label and paperwork, but no guidance on what to do next. At the time, she described that moment as feeling like they’d been tossed into a dark, cold ocean in the middle of the night.

“The diagnosis was never the problem,” says Karina now, “But we were faced with this deafening silence around what would be done to support my son.”

She’d been on the other side of the doctor’s desk before in her career, but she hadn’t imagined how it would feel as a parent to leave without a plan after being given a lifelong, life-changing diagnosis. “It was hugely disorienting,” she says. “No plan can accidentally send the message that nothing can be done to support a child, when that is clearly untrue.”

“My experience, and I don’t think I’m alone in this, was that the system didn’t step in to help him in a timely way or with the support that it was very clear to me he needed.”

It became obvious to Karina that there was no other option than to step away from her paid career and give her son the support that he needed herself. What she didn’t predict was the isolation that decision would bring.

Dealing with the isolation

Navigating this journey as his main caregiver, Karina felt not only alone but also unseen. “Many aspects of autism are non-visible,” she explains, and she found herself facing many outdated and unhelpful stereotypes around autism. “There are still quite fixed ideas sometimes around what it looks like and what it means for a child’s future,” says Karina.

Karina’s life changed so much, with all her energy going into meeting her son’s needs, that she found herself removed from many other aspects of her life, like friendships. “Friendship became a memory,” she says. “Friends are so dear to you, but there wasn’t time or space, and there simply wasn’t anything in the tank for more. Our household did not sleep basically for six and a half years.”

“So many parents do this,” she says. “You push pause for however long it takes to give your child what they need.”

The struggle for support – and advice for parents also going ‘all in’

The effort it required to help her son get what he needed caused Karina serious health issues and led to some dark days. Which is one of the reasons she’s sharing her story now.

“It shouldn’t take extraordinary stamina to access ordinary support,” she says. “It felt like I was carrying the weight of my child’s future, especially in those early years.” And being told to “take care of herself” or “go on holiday” felt like added pressure, when what she really needed was to do less.

“Do whatever you can to shift the load, even in small ways,” she says. For people supporting a caregiver, she encourages them to never underestimate the value of the small things, like showing up. “You don’t even need to do anything,” she says. Just letting the person feel seen is enough.

The drive to share her story

Karina has now written a book sharing her story and raising awareness of the systemic changes she’d like to see in the health and education sectors to support parents and children in New Zealand better. Called All In: A Mother’s Journey Through Autism, it is out April, 2026.

The original title of the book was not All in, but it felt very true to the time. “Going all in is all-consuming, and it certainly consumed me,” says Karina.

Karina had never planned to write a book or share this very personal part of her life.

“If I had ever thought about writing a book, which I hadn’t, it would never have been one that was so personal or involved my children,” she says.

But having become an advocate for change in the neurodiversity space, Karina felt it was the right time to share her story.

“I wrote a very personal story precisely because I think it’s not unique…the details are going to differ, but elements of this experience are a reality for thousands of kiwi families.”